A new box syndrome

The first month of 2016 has passed (almost). I feel like I’m at the bottom of the sea. I just suddenly remember, when I was scuba diving, I had panic attack that I couldn’t float. I just saw the deep dark blue water dragging me down. I feel it now, in a real life.


I was thinking to see a shrink again. Perhaps I would say I’m having a new box syndrome. Hey it’s true. After I blew my 29th birthday candles, I messed up with everything. Literally everything. I want to be young forever.

A loved one once said “why worried about your new age. You are still a baby“.   Continue reading

A fat cat

A Fat cat! That’s the label I put on my head. I know, I should not put any label to myself. But, for the past two weeks, I feel like a phatty kitty :(

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Ok, I gained 5 extra kilos. I always think positively, that it might be MUSCLE weight (*Seriously*). There is nothing wrong with my body, I still look good, but somehow, the scale and body mass index couldn’t lie, no?

Well, I do sport like running, yoga, and ehm body building exercise. However, I still have that label attached on my head. Is it true when people reach a certain AGE, the metabolism is getting slow? Like, after my 3 weeks vacation, I gained 5 kilos. Well, positively let’s assume I gained 5 kilos of happiness. Continue reading

The saddest thing

There was someone I knew, a long time ago. I was so in love with him I couldn’t see straight. The saddest thing is, he felt the same way about me.

It was easy in the beginning. All we had to do was laugh at the same things and love took care of the rest. I had never felt so connected to another person.

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He would always say it felt as though I was made for him. How glad he was to have met me. We were so sure of what we felt. We should have held tight, onto that certainty. Continue reading


I have been away from Jakarta for 3 weeks. It feels fantastic. I was surrounded by lovely smiling people, chirping birds every morning, no crazy cars honking right in front of my house, good food, fresh water, and no stress. This holiday, I went to Yogyakarta, Bali, and Lombok.

Yogyakarta. The beloved hometown. What can I say, lots of memories planted in my head in this small city. My home is still warm with lots of plants and cute little birds. And oh, jasmine, when I went home our Jasmine was blooming gracefully. It was lovely. But, hometown has changed. There are too many malls and too many hotels. We don’t have big road, we have small narrow roads and when long holiday comes, it will be jammed so bad!

See the small rock in front of me? There’s a scary horror swing cart to take you there.

Bali. My always favourite quick getaway island. This island offers you beaches and kindness and tradition. I didn’t go to Seminyak and Ubud this holiday. It was too painful to be back there with beautiful memories from the past ;-) Instead I went to Sanur. It was more or less like family place or for more senior people. So it was relaxing to be there, with swimmable beach, and no crazy bars playing loud music with drunken Ozzi in the street. Continue reading