Song of the Day: He Wasn’t Man Enough

This song by Toni Braxton has been the song of the day, since my lover just suddenly texted me that he will be in Jakarta for few weeks or something. Well, lately we had such intense communication. I don’t have any idea why and I don’t care about it. Oh shit, did I just say I don’t care? Ugh.. well, he is my friend, he is my lover, maybe he is my friend with benefit as a lover. But somehow, we have that kind of boundary. We had such fantasy about having vacation to some islands in Indonesia and stay away from the hustle bustle of the city. I like that thought to share the beauty of nature together with a good friend.

Few days ago my sugar daddy (wannabe) once asked me to go with him as well Continue reading

One Week After New Year

One week after new year. I feel like I have no burden in my life. I feel really numb. I didnt take drugs anymore, but I dont know why I just feel sadness is only temporary, and so is happiness. So, why bothers?

1. Work seems easy (even though it is actually killing me with deadline and ‘interesting’ people). But, I dont mind. I’m tired of course. But I believe that hard work pays off. Which means, I dont mind to spend hours to finish this interesting assignment because I like doing this and I would get so much knowledge. The best part is that, I work or I do this for myself/ for my own good in the future, not for the client or the company I’m working for.

09106988239a6ea795d3c19df78e62da Continue reading

Emotional Loss After Coffee

The first day of the year. Today when I was waiting for my flight to Jakarta, I had a sip of coffee at a restaurant near the airport, which turned out I had a MAGIC COFFEE. Well, I had my drawing book on my left side and a notebook on my lap. I started to think, how time moved fast. So, what I had in my mind was, how great my 2014 was. I had everything in life supposed to experience. The year 2014 had been a learning point.

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I was like in a light drug. It was such an intense repeated memory that everything happened to me in a year was right there in front of me. I wondered if the waiter put something in my coffee (?) Continue reading

The Knight and The Princess

A Knight fell in love with a young Princess who lives in the land of the fairies. But one day the Princess returned to her home in the sky. The Knight was startled. He knew how to ride a horse and how to fight with his sword, but he didn’t know how to fly.

The Knight left his castle and asked the butterflies to teach him to fly. But the butterflies could only teach him to fly to the top of the trees. So, the Knight asked the sparrows to teach him to fly. They could only teach him to fly to the top of the church steeple. So he asked the eagles to teach him to fly. They could only take him to the top of the mountains. There was no winged creature that could teach him to fly any higher than that.

The Knight was sad, but he didn’t gave up. He asked the wind to teach him to fly. The wind taught him to fly around the world, to fly over the mountains and above the clouds. But the Princess was still much higher in the sky. The Knight despaired and this time he did give up hope. Continue reading

Keep Your Head Up, Sweet Dummy!

No reason to stay is a good reason to go

Do you know that a smart woman, smarter than me once said, Be careful what you wish, for it might come true. So, about a month ago, I had a discussion with a friend about our love story and he said “Hey, let’s make a bet, if one of us speak about our lovers which is too coward to own us, then either you or me have to pay $5. And the bet begins in 2015″.

Started in November, I tried to make a boundary with my lover. I was still in touch with him and I kept saying to myself that it was not a real love, that we were too emotional, and so on. However, it was different on his side. While I was in the healing process by letting him go, he was more attached to me. We had a very intense communication and I started to feel him again. Arrgh damn! Continue reading

Once Upon A Time In A Funeral Home

Love. What a beautiful word. This year has been such a wonderful year, where I was faced by several terms of love, which, one of them was mistaken by, Lust.

Today I attended a funeral. A beloved neighbor was unfortunately passed away. He was a kind person. I had very good memories about him and his family. He used to take me and brother to school when we were elementary kids, together with his daughters. Time moves super fast, elementary school era has over. Human’s getting older, some are getting wiser. TW534When I was in the funeral home, I saw his wife was startled that need to be in a wheelchair and couldn’t stop crying. I saw her face and felt the lost. I am their neighbor and I was very sad for losing him too. I could not and would not think if it would be happened to me. I know that I have to be prepared, but, I’d rather not to think about it right now. Yes, funeral. A place where I started to contemplate again about love. How could someone is so attached to his/ her mate for the rest of their life. This contemplation took me back to the latest conversation with someone closed to me, a night before the funeral. Continue reading

Merry Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all creatures in the world and Happy Holiday to you who dislike Christmas! :)

penguinholidayHihihi I dont want to be rude, but every Christmas, here in Indonesia, you will find a repeated ‘joke’ about the law of giving Chrismas’s greeting. But this only applies to people who have low intellectuality. Most of my friends just dont care and dont give a shit about it. Because it was just a greeting and people would not die because of it. Anyway, let that be the problems of air headed people, right? Continue reading