Rise and Fall and Fall Deeper

Fall BetterSeptember it is now. I promised my friend to send essays to him for review. Yeh, I failed everything this year. I thought I’ve almost there, but shit happened (as always) either family or relationship. Boo hoo!

I supposed to be in Scotland this September, I didn’t make it. I didn’t even apply the UK visa that should be happening last month. Did I regret it? Well well.. like everyone says, family comes first. Nay, I didn’t regret anything, but if I could, I wish that everything went well as planned as I always wanted. Continue reading

Questioning Life Professionalism


Counting the hours before jumping into the plane writing this blog. Contemplating silly things a colleague told me about professionalism.

Today will be my day off until the first week of September. One day before departure, there came a disaster email where we should work our ass off. Well, not for me since it’s actually a piece of cake and someone has just blew a grenade on it. So it looks bombastic! I told a colleague, apologizing that I would not be able to join discussion tomorrow because I had some days off. Then his reply was “You are very professional!!!”

I didn’t get that. Well, I admit that maybe my intellectual level is somehow below him, but then I started to think the other way around. What is professionalism?

Continue reading

How Funny Are Your Racist Jokes?

While I was browsing movie trailer, I found a soundtrack from Suicide Squad, titled “I Started A Joke” covered by Becky Hanson. Well, the song is beautiful in a sad way if you know what I mean. This song is so sad that one night I could reflect what I’ve been going through in life. Where, I was nobody, that I was a clown that could be bullied, that didn’t belong to any social level because of racism.

I need to build up confidence level that I am good in anyway, that I am beautiful and nobody has the right to say the other way to me or to anyone because they are different. Well, I didn’t feel that way anymore. Instead, I feel awesome. So awesome that I still have a heart not to make a counter joke based on colors, religions, body type, background and so on. I could get angry right away to friends or anyone who point out any jokes for racism. Do you think it’s funny?

A Letter for You, Love


Right now,
there are people all over the world who are just like you.
They are lonely.
They are missing somebody.
They are in love with someone they probably shouldn’t be in love with.
They have secrets you wouldn’t believe.

They wish and they dream and they hope,
and they look out the window whenever they’re in the car
or on a bus or a train
and they watch the people on the streets and wonder
what they’ve been through.

They wonder if there are people out there like them.
They’re like you, and you could tell them everything and they would understand.

And right now, they’re sitting here reading these words, and I’m writing this for you so you don’t feel alone anymore.”

~Unknown ~

The Greatest Bastard


I should not do this, but for the past few days I keep thinking about my ex. I know, new love is the best remedy and I should not even think or care how his life now. I should really delete him anyway from my head. I thought I’ve moved on. Well, I apparently not. I met new people, but his shadow is somewhat messing around me. Ugh! I had to admint, he was the greatest bastard that ever came to my life.

How Do You Question Everything?

“Don’t just teach your children to read. Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything” – George Carlin

Few days ago I went to the gym for Body Balance class. It was early before the class started, so I decided to exercise a little bit with fitness equipments. Until, there were 2 personal trainers came to me saying “Sorry Miss, you cannot be in this area without shoes”. I asked them why, and he said “This is the rule, we don’t know why”. My blood was going up and I was like… OMG, what kind of dumb ass in front of me now (?)
You know, when you forbid someone of doing something, there should be explanations. We could use our logic. Ok, so my logical explanation was because for my own safety so I couldn’t be inside of the workout area without shoes. But their answer with “…we don’t know why” is somehow unaccepted for me. We could see that those personal trainers are lazy to work on their brain to explain me things, or maybe they don’t know the explanation. OK, so leave those stupid trainers alone. I always questions myself a lot, why I should do this, why I should not do that and so on. Call me stupid or naive whatever, but I am very keen on asking questions to people to see what is their point of view on the issues I asked them. The answer “I don’t know never satisfy me”. Somehow questioning about everything is tiring but you will realize what is best for you, not because the society or religions or parents told you, but because you have a common sense or inner wisdom or knowledge based on your experience. Continue reading