Few weeks ago I had a mini-reunion with some old friends. It was nice to find out that some of my friends were married, some were engaged and the only single girl was me. We had some chit-chat and the most irritating topic was about marriage. They were talking about their children, about how great their life was with their children and husband, doing kitchen matters and so on which I didn’t even care about all those scary things. Since the conversation got boring and intimidating, I put a simple smile and left. On my way home, I kept thinking, why do people want to live in a cage? Why do people out there decided to get married? Is it for financial stability? Is marriage becoming a ladder to upgrade their social status? Or is it merely for legalizing sex? I have been very sensitive every time my friends or especially my relatives told me to get married soon and have children before I turn into 30. My understanding about marriage is different than theirs and marriage is not my top priority in life.
My married friend told me that a man who would someday marry me would be lucky since I had the quality of a woman to be married, as she mentioned that I could cook and I had wide hips to bear a child. “Marriage is a new start for you to become a good person, you will have more wealth from your husband and your parents will be happy for having grandchildren” she added.
Are all those ideas become initiatives of a woman of getting married? Should men measure my hips whether or not I could give birth to a baby? I am not a production machine and those ideas are unaccepted. Well, I don’t think that I need a man to make me become a good person. There are a lot of experiences I can get from people around me that makes me become a good person. Moreover, for me, marry a man with money is just a bonus and not a main concern to stockpile gold bars. I have finished my degree and have a job. I would take the role and work hard to make my own money. I don’t agree that marriage is a survival tool for a woman. Further, I’m not a type of persons that could enjoy small talks at family gatherings and I’m also not a person that could bubble with funny voice in front of small children. What I know is I’m scared to death of kids. I like to cuddle them for a while and hand them back to their mommies and get back my freedom.
In a relationship, I can be entertaining and nurturing, but I have no guarantee that I would stay by his side forever. I adore what is called as privacy and spend some times alone to paint, in which some of my ex-boyfriends could not stand with it. It’s sounded selfish. However, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to get married and be tolerant. Marriage is not only about rising children and makes your husband happy. Marriage takes a high level of commitment. Therefore finding the right person will be another challenge, it requires more than just a lover, a gigolo or even a sugar daddy, but a partner to be able to work together in that commitment. I’m not living in 1800s where women should stay at home, rise children and satisfy her husband.
At the end, maybe I haven’t met the right one to work in that commitment. I wouldn’t hide behind my career to cover my status that I’m single. I’m not afraid to get married. I just need to measure my guts before riding a roller coaster in a theme park. Lucky me, my parents never set me a target to get married. So, for now, I will be more enjoying my freedom, work hard and completing master degree.
ps: image above was copied while i was browsing on Google