Yesterday, while I was walking aimlessly near Senayan, Jakarta, I accidentally met an old acquaintance. We first met like maybe 3 or 4 years ago and separated with communications only over Skype. She asked me how I had been then we shared our stories and so on and until a shocking question was raised “Did you get invited to T’s wedding? He’s going to get married in early December“. When I heard about that, I had a sort of mixed feeling, I mean maybe that was the worst kind of mixed feelings that I had. So, I grabbed my phone and checked on my email and .. I got the invitation to his Holy Matrimony.
Just suddenly, I had that dead pterodactyl feeling in my stomach. “Really? Is the wedding for real? Is it true he’s getting married?“. I stared to my email for few minutes and after the last sip of second glass of green tea latte, I finally realized that it was real. Well, actually I thought I’ve got over him but I have no idea that I still cannot get him out of my head. Have you ever had this kind of feeling? You think that you’ve got over your Ex but turns out, his shadow is still dwelling inside of your heart and maybe it leaves a stain that cannot be erased.
He was my first love. He was not my first of anything ‘tho but he entirely has put the most footprint in my heart. When I broke up with him and trying to date another person, I don’t know why but I’ve always compared that person with him. It’s not fair I know. First love burns brightest and a massive flame begins with a tiny spark. I still had that spark until yesterday, until I found out that this spark should be dimmed and flushed.
I should let go this feeling. It is so painful to remember our past relationship. Yap, I just need to completely let him go. Let him start a new life with his wife and let myself to start a new life without his shadow. I believe that time will heal.