No reason to stay is a good reason to go
Do you know that a smart woman, smarter than me once said,
Be careful what you wish, for it might come true. So, about a month ago, I had a discussion with a friend about our love story and he said “Hey, let’s make a bet, if one of us speak about our lovers which is too coward to keep us, then either you or me have to pay $5. And the bet begins in 2015″.
Started in November, I tried to make a boundary with my lover. I was still in touch with him and I kept saying to myself that it was not a real love, that we were too emotional, and so on. However, it was different on his side. While I was in the healing process by letting him go, he was more attached to me. We had a very intense communication and I started to feel him again. Arrgh damn!
Until this morning, we admit each other that we fell too deep. He said that I should not be waiting for him and I should have a new boyfriend. Even, he told me “I would be happy, if you are happy”. Oh please, what kind of bullshit is this. People like to say that love is unconditional, but it’s not. He told something like that which in my head it was transformed into love that wants something in return. Like they want you to be happy or whatever and that makes you automatically responsible for their happiness because they won’t be happy unless you are! Oh how selfish!
And then, there come a happy imagination that we would have family together and kids and everything. Oh my God! It was my imagination too. I hate to say this, but I wanted that very much. However we should be rational. He and me, would never be together. He has family in South America, and I would be very stupid of waiting for someone who doesnt care about my feelings and was too weak or maybe too coward to face the truth. Oh Lord!
Anyway, I cried a lot today. I cried when I was sleeping this morning after we had discussion about it, and I cried again when The Beatles most dramatic song Here There and Everywhere was on loop. Ugh, my eyes hurt.
Like what my besties said, Yes, it’s true, I am too good for him. Why crying over someone who didnt respect you. My feelings right now is getting better. I would of course meet someone new in 2015. Maybe I would meet my future husband. I didnt think much about it. Ah whatever, I’m not a ring hunter and we will never know 😉