A fat cat

A Fat cat! That’s the label I put on my head. I know, I should not put any label to myself. But, for the past two weeks, I feel like a phatty kitty 😦

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Ok, I gained 5 extra kilos. I always think positively, that it might be MUSCLE weight (*Seriously*). There is nothing wrong with my body, I still look good, but somehow, the scale and body mass index couldn’t lie, no?

Well, I do sport like running, yoga, and ehm body building exercise. However, I still have that label attached on my head. Is it true when people reach a certain AGE, the metabolism is getting slow? Like, after my 3 weeks vacation, I gained 5 kilos. Well, positively let’s assume I gained 5 kilos of happiness.

But then something wrong happened with my psychology. I throw up my food after I eat it. I know this is so wrong, mom was angry at me. But it doesn’t solve anything. My friend told me to start with healthy diet, like eating more fruits, red rice instead of delicious steam white rice, and so forth.

I was too afraid to gain weight, that it’s either I throw up my food, or I didn’t eat anything at all. There was a moment I didn’t touch rice at all. I ate only crushed peanut with garlic and banana for lunch. I didn’t feel healthy (a.k.a under nutrition). Then there are other things going inside of my head like, I’m not ready for 30, I feel like I’m fat, my school will be a complete mess, oo I’m not ready for this and that. Jeez!

I need to breath. Now every time I’m at yoga class I always want to cry, I found warm happiness feeling inside of me. When I do yoga, I smile. I laugh at myself. When it’s over, I feel like I put myself in a box of judgement which I know I shouldn’t do.

I don’t want to do this. The only one person that should be happy in this world is ME.

Ok. I need to set up my hashtag #goals (… short term goal).

  1. Eat fruits
  2. Eat red rice (Ew. I’m not into red rice, but I will limit white rice consumption)
  3. Drink more water
  4. Meditation
  5. Smile

Everyone is making a mess. I think, I just make one. 🙂

Anyway, those are my short term goals. It looks simple but challenging for now. I want to heal. Some people have been my victims. O yeah, I attack and bite. My tongue is rather sharp lately. I need to brace myself.

Thank you for reading. Be happy whoever and wherever you are.

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