I decided to suicide after a wedding day. No. It was not my wedding. It was friend’s wedding. It was a bright and sunny day. I put a nice red flowery top with purple skirt and wearing my super high heels and feeling so good about myself. I went to the wedding party with someone I date few months ago.
We dance, we drink, we had some fun, we had a good time. But, there was something bothering me. “This is not right” I said to myself. Everything should not be perfect. When everything go as I expected, I become worry. What other mess could come up?
I had it all the way at the wedding day. That kind of worry that could take me to further agenda. I thought of killing myself. I thought to suicide.
“I think I want to die” I told him. “This is so perfect. I couldn’t handle such beautiful life. I enjoy to feel the pain”. Yes, I constantly find reasons not to be happy.
I wish I could be like other people searching for happiness instead of troubles. Maybe my mind was in complete chaos at that time. Few months ago, my shrink gave me something to calm me down. I didn’t feel anything. I was numb. No emotions, just a bitch face all day and night. It feels so good. But, I guess I don’t need medicine anymore. I don’t know why, I feel numb already.