Few days ago I met a colleague in an event, it had been months we didn’t see each other. We used to talk and discuss about anything, from our passions for the ocean until little animal we see in the street. So, we talked about things and he said “hey D, what happen with those eyes, you used to have bright beautiful eyes, today I see you and I see sadness even in your smile“. Ugh, when he said that I felt like I wanted to burst in tears. No. I didn’t cry in front of him.
During the event I was keep thinking: if it is real, if people could really see the change in my eyes and even in my smile? Where is the fun child in me, where does she go? I contemplate and see the time series of event that shaped me into this sad lady.
I start my life slow this year. I just want to fix small broken parts somewhere in my brain or in my heart. I always believe that time will heal, also I believe when I could fix the broken parts, my life will be normal. Sadly, it didn’t happen. I pull myself from social events. I tend to spend some time alone. I didn’t see friends, I didn’t go out, and the worst part I don’t know what I want to do. I become cold and sad and this is not me. A good friend of mine said “The way to heal your problems is not by shutting or isolating yourself. You need to talk about it“.
Above all, perhaps I need holiday. I guess I desperately terribly need the SUPER 3S: sun, sand, and sea! Jaah, I need to get my energy back. I miss the warm kisses from the sun that could bring my inner happiness back. That everything will be fine, that everything under the sun has expiry date and we don’t need to worry about a single thing.