Run away with me

Run away with me.

Pack your bags and leave your reservations behind. Unpack your hopes and your fears and every dream that you let drop by the wayside over the years. Pick up your wildest childhood fantasies and let’s steal away in the night. We’ll leave this wasteland, ditch this city, let the lights flicker off and burn out in our wake because we’re going somewhere where the sun burns long into the night.

Leave it all behind with me. We’ll run from our failures and misgivings, drench ourselves in sweet possibilities, dip our toes into the oceans of regret and dry our souls out in the sunlight of forgiveness.

Poetry

I know you have seen things you wish you hadn’t. You have done things you wish you could take back. And you wonder why you were thrown into the thick of it all – why you had to suffer the way you did. And as you are sitting there alone and hurting, I wish I could put a pen in your hand and gently remind you how the world has given you poetry and now you must give it back.

The Venn-Diagram of Love

I was at home for several days for the long holidays. We are celebrating Eid Al-Fitr. Well, basically not me who celebrate it, but most people in Indonesia are. When I was at home, butterflies and dragonflies might have spread the words that I was in town.

The little butterflies spread the words until I got a phone call and text message saying “Hey, are you in town? Up for coffee and ice cream?“. How can I refuse the offer for ice cream? It is indeed my weakness!  It was someone from the past calling. We talked and he said that he still loved me.

“Dear, you should know that I love you. I love talking to you and I wouldn’t mind to share a cup of ice cream with you. However you should know, I feel so much better when we are NOT together. Our relationship was not healthy. I felt more depressed when I was with you than I am now.” – I told him

Good bye, my precious!

Today, I have to bid farewell to something I loved the most. I’ve been playing around with this for almost 2 months. I cannot stop thinking about it. It is a best friend of mine, something that I looked for when I was bored, when I was stuck in Jakarta’s crazy traffic, when I was waiting at the airport, when I was working. I know, addiction on something is not healthy. But this is for sure, I have to say good bye to my favourite and addicting game ever. Hay Day.

Distance

It was all I wanted for the longest time – to open my eyes and see you there. To stretch out my hand and touch the soft, yielding warmth of your skin. But now I have learned the secret of distance. Now I know being close to you was never about the proximity.

Untangle the twist in my head

I was on a bi-weekly session with my psychiatrist. She said: “on your goal to get there, are you moving away or running away?” – It was like a punch on the head with hammer “Am I really looking for adventures and new experiences or trying to escape from a situation and  afraid of dealing with my own feeling? “

I know, running away from problems won’t win me in any races.

She

she is not the kind of girl who will get your attention on the dance floor. She believes in unicorn and red dragon. She believes that butterfly and ice cream will make her happy no matter what. She is that simple yet complicated. She has many goals and dreams, none came true.  The world flew away from her reach. Another discovery she said. Life goes on. It gets so heavy for her little body.

she is a kind of girl who pray for everything. She doesn’t even know if God do exist. She sends her prayer for everyone, for every person she met, for people who hurt her, for the universe, for the loved ones, for him. For you.

Longing

Love changed the path of time/ Because of love time divided into two/ With you and the longing to reverse the past…

-aam-

I’m dying

There was a moment where i failed on everything. The moment where i didn’t have anyone to talk to. The moment where everyone was too busy, the moment where i was busy trying to end my life.

Maybe I did expect too much. Maybe I was too good to people. Maybe I was too optimistic. I was angry. I cried a lot. It was too much.

I am at the end of 20s, maybe this is the end of my life too. I’ve never thought, it could be this painful. It hurts me so bad, that i had a thought to end life. I had a knife on my right hand, while sleeping pills on the other side. I am dying.

 

Leave Me Alone!

If I could, I would try to stay away from people. Yeah, I feel it has been too much. Too much dramas, too much victims, too much toleration towards stupidity. Lately I was surrounded by nosy people. Well, not only 2 or 3 but apparently almost all people I met were annoying. The way they talked and tried to look that they were more than other people, the way they tried hard to get respect, how they boasted themselves. OMG! I’m tired.

Yeah, I was sitting there, smile and nod. I used to like social gathering to meet people, but I think I didn’t fit in anymore. Too much trashy talk and sometimes they wanted to be recognised as the most important people and they were very serious about it.